Friday, November 22, 2013

The Ten Ack Commandments

In case you don't know the original by heart, it's best to listen to an instrumental of DJ Premier's beat while you read along:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
It's the ten Ack commandments, what?
Analysts can't tell me nothing about this short
Can't tell me nothing about this squeeze, my naked sale nibblers & fails to deliver,
Specialists on the floor I ain't forget you, my 20 cent spread knickerbockers

Been in this game for years, for 2 & 20 on the annual
There’s rules to this shit, I wrote Bill a manual
A step-by-step booklet for him to get
His shorts on track, not assets clawed back
Rule Nombre Uno: never let no one know
How much shares you holdin short cause you know
The borrow peeves zealously 'specially
If The Street is long, when your thesis is wrong
Number 2: never let 'em know your next move
Don't you know that Real Bears move in silence not alliance?
Listen to earnings guidance
I done scribed mad notes on calls to back out how their EPS falls
Number 3: never trust nobody
Einhorn’ll set that ass up, 5 mil short amassed up
On the call asked up, one question for fast bucks
Then ready to cover and go long while you play trains with your canucks
Number 4: Directly from the JCP Board
"Never get high on your own supply"
Number 5: never sell short then hold court
Don't care if its zero you’re target practice not a hero
Number 6:  If the company has credit, dead it
Or a leveraged recap will break your back so just forget it!
7: this rule is so underrated
Keep the NYPost and business completely separated
Realized loss and donated profit mix like Celarier and fake news tips
Find your book down like 600 sticks
Number 8: never keep no weight on you!
Why host your own site, why not Global Strategy Group?
Number 9 shoulda been Number 1 to me:
Once they’re done investigating stay the fuck from the SEC
PMs will see your letters and your snitchin, and call back what isn’t his’n,
Then watch you buy it back or go to prison.
Number 10: a strong word called "assignment"
Strictly for live men, not for freshmen
If Icahn’s shorting puts, buy it back, it's time to go
Cause he’s going turn the tables and call back all the float

Follow these rules and you'll have mad boards to shake up
If not, massive fines and like Gotham Pershing will break up
Redemptions hit AUM, losses you’ll have to make up
Soros should have been your wakeup, when he withdrew
Bought that five percent stake up, near 13-g
Bill Stiritz launched his blitz in the low sixties
Heard he blends protein well, and can run a break up

Or maybe go private, more Formula 1 to shake up, word up

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